I Release You Now

Dear Heartbreaker,

This is not a plea, or a question, or a scream.

This is a release.

I’ve twisted myself into shapes to get through to you, tried every version of truth, calm, fire, silence, softness, but the man I’m speaking to now doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t feel. Doesn’t meet me.

Not like before.

It’s like you disappeared without leaving.

Like I’ve been loving a shadow that no longer recognizes my warmth.

So I need to say this now;

I am done fighting for space in someone who treats my presence like a burden.

You may never acknowledge the hurt you caused.

You may never apologize.

You may never admit the coldness, the withdrawal, the emotional starvation you put me through.

But I still matter.

My pain matters.

My love mattered.

I mattered.

I’ve already spoken with the Simpson housing agency.

I’ll be moving out by the end of the month.

Not to punish you. Not to guilt you.

But because I choose peace now; the kind that doesn’t require me to bleed just to be seen.

This hurts because I loved you deeply.

But I will not lose myself trying to hold onto someone who let go of me long ago.

You are free.

And now, so am I.