I’m Done

I unblocked you today; not to reconnect,

but to tell you something I’ve carried in silence:

I resent you.

But more than that…

I resent myself.

I resent myself for ever meeting you that night.

For ever loving you.

For believing in love.

For convincing myself that you ever loved me back.

I resent the part of me that imagined a future

that moved in, that planned a life in my head,

that believed your promises.

Because how can someone claim to love you,

yet never ask if you’re okay?

Never check in. Never show up.

I have a boyfriend…

but I wake up feeling like I’m alone in this world.

I go to bed wondering if my life should even go on.

I fall sick, and there’s no one to talk to.

I go days without eating or speaking

yet I keep telling myself I’m loved.

And when I speak up,

you tell me,

“If you don’t like the way I do things, you know what to do.”

When I speak, I’m met with silence.

Coldness. Like I’m nothing.

I keep asking myself

Why did you choose me?

Was it because you thought I was weak?

Why did you walk into my life with promises,

only to tear me down from the inside out?

You altered the course of my life.

And stupidly, I believed that was a good thing.

Every morning, I pray.

Not for love. Not for you.

But for the strength to get out.

For a better job.

A place of my own.

A chance to start again.

A chance to heal.

But healing feels impossible when nothing changes.

When every corner of this place reminds me of the lie.

You picked someone innocent.

And broke them.

I treated you like royalty.

With kindness. With emotional care.

I asked what you wanted.

You gave vague answers.

When I cooked, you mocked it.

Made excuses. Trashed it.

Yet I was the one loving you

the way a human being deserves to be loved.

What did I really do wrong?

Other than ask to be treated with basic care?

Other than believe the love you offered in the beginning?

You pursued this.

You initiated this.

You built it; just to break it.

No regard for my mental health.

No empathy for the person you once held every night.

I have questions,

but I know I won’t get answers.

Still… I wonder:

Was it worth it?

Throwing away something so real

just to feel superior?

I pray that before July 16th,

I’ll be far from this place.

Far from you.

Because my heart can’t take any more.

You threw away someone

who would’ve searched the ends of the earth

just to keep you happy.

Loved.

Safe.

All for nothing.

And now

I’m done!

I’m done waiting.

I’m done hoping it’ll get better.

I’m done believing you’ll see the bigger picture.

I’m done thinking you’ll come back.

I’m done hurting myself by holding on to you.

In general?

I’m so done.